Thursday, November 30, 2006

Friday Cemetery Blogging

A couple of weeks ago, Jackson and I were able to steal a Saturday morning to troll around some cemeteries. A good time was had by all. We found this little dude and, best of all, this year's Christmas card photo.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

A Couple of Ding-a-lings

Friday night is our night. Its time for our labor union to do its yearly service project. Didn't know I belonged to a union? I sure do. The American Federation of Miscreant Malcontents (Local #207). Otherwise known as the January Birthday Club.

Lo these many years ago, Fake Cow County officials started giving employees a day off on their birthday. Pretty cool, eh? Only one problem - it didn't apply retroactively to those of us who'd already had a birthday that year. That meant Rose and I missed out. Not being people who would willingly pass up a chance to be loud and obnoxious about something, she and I decided to form a union and submit a formal list of demands as a means of rectifying the injustice.

It turned into a yearly tradition that continued until our boss retired. Every year we submitted a lengthy and verbose letter detailing our dissatisfaction with the lack of activity by management on the previous year's demands. We requested simple things like like recliners for our offices, free massage service, windows, personal secretaries, a sizeable wardrobe budget and an office chef. Stuff like that.

After a while, we decided our union needed some good karma, so we started a yearly community service project. Every year,Rose and I ring bells for the Salavation Army at Wal-Mart the Friday night before pheasant season opens.

Back when this started, we were both single, thinner and a decade younger. The night before pheasant season is when every drunken hunter in the country heads to Wal-Mart to buy shells, socks and assorted camoflauged crap. We were loud and sorta brassy, so we made tons of money from the drunken hunters.

That was then.

Now its a chore. It always seems to be a lot colder on our bell night these days. We used to do this for 4 hours. Now we complain and whine about sore feet and knees after just a couple of hours. We don't even sign up for more than 3 hours these days. And the drunken hunters? They are harder to fleece. But we still have a ton of fun!

This year Rose is sick, so we have to postpone for a week and will miss the hunters altogether. But we'll be there next Friday, doing our civic duty. Even though we still don't have recliners.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Standard Disclaimer: He's named after the Indian Chief, not the city.

My 7 year old nephew was upset, as usual, with his 16 year old brother yesterday. While his brother was dozing in a recliner across the room, he told me all about it.

Seattle: "I'm so mad at him! But I'm gonna have my revenge!"
Me: "Oh really? How so?"
Seattle: "Just wait 'till March 17th rolls around. Just wait!"
Me: "Um, why? What happens on March 17th?"
Seattle: "Its St. Patrick's Day. And he probably won't remember to wear green. And THEN I'll get him! I'm gonna pinch him hard!"
Me: "You are truly a diabolical mastermind, dude. I bow before your evil genius."
Seattle: "Yeah. I know."

...and he ran off to play some more.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Precious Moments: Just Plain Evil

We wasted some time at lunch on one of our favorite topics - Precious Moments bashing. We got to discussing what would happen if they suddenly tried to be more relevant and appeal to a younger market. The little buggers would no doubt be wearing t-shirts with pithy slogans.

Such as:

Official Thomas Kinkade Fan Club Member
Wouldn't you like to be a cracker, too?
Born to be White
Vanilla is my favorite flavor
My mom loves me enough to stay home.
Jesus Wants You! (But not in that way.)
Hellman's - Its more than just a sandwich spread.
Soccer Rules

I heart Toby Keith
Virgins for Christ
Jesus was White

Old Skool? No, Home-Schooled!
Hot for Preacher
Red? Yes! Yellow? Yes! Black? Yes! White? Yes! Rainbow? NO!

And my personal favorite: W is my co-pilot.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Monday, November 06, 2006

Random Thoughts for Monday

Can't wait for election day tomorrow. Texas rocks the early voting, so unless you are a total purposeless dweeb, you should already have voted. (Well, ok. Maybe if you work out of town somewhere, then you can be excused for waiting until Tuesday, Jackson.) I sort of like the Etch-a-Vote machines, but truthfully, paper ballots were easier and faster and a hell of a lot less trouble.

Don't you love Michael Palin? Seriously. His Himalayan show is really gorgeous.

You know what freaks me out? Yuppies at home improvement stores.

A man sat across the desk from me this morning and told me very matter of factly that he is losing controll of the darkness inside him. The darkness is the loathing and self-hate that is eating him up - literally eating him up. He told me who he is going to kill and why. And I agreed that he a darn good reason for murder. The man he hates has stolen over 20 years of his life already, why give him the rest of it in exchange for a moment's satisfaction?

I really like that guy. But he has planned out the violent death of another human being and is physically struggling with himslef to keep from following through with his plan. Its a very old testament thing to see. Like watching Jacob wrestle the angel. People are absolutley fascinating.

Did anyone check out the moon tonight? Its full, of course.

I'm hungry for meat loaf.

Christmas is coming up. Anybody got any suggestions on what I should give Jackson? He is one of those irritating people who always gives really good gifts, but never asks for anything for himself. Bastard.

I start another drug offender class next week. I'm trying a different schedule and breaking it up into once a week for five weeks, instead of five times in two weeks. I am hoping that will keep me a little more sane.

Matthias the cat loves nothing more than a plastic egg, halved. It entertains him for days on end.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Friday Cemetery Blogging

This is a foot stone. Pearl had a headstone as well, but the footstone really caught my eye. In the early evening sun this stone was impossible not to touch. Once I saw it, I couldn't just stand over it and admire it through a camera lens. I had to get down on the ground and run my fingers over the rounded letters. (Avoiding the bird poo, of course.) It was simple, cool marble. I don't know what the text is made from - perhaps just another color of marble - but I love the look of the letters. Its an interesting name, too.

The whole thing had a special luster for me.

Pearl rocks her footstone. I'm trying to rock along with life. Life is pretty stressful right now, but things will change. Some of the change will be for the better. Some will not. But change is good.

However, I'm beginning to wonder if I've angered the gods. Or maybe I'm just not living right. I could tell you how my day went, but you really wouldn't believe me. I had all kinds of problems and tasks and even a good deed or two to juggle. I managed to keep all the knives in the air, but I think I've got a few cuts.

After much delay this evening, we got supper done and the table cleared. I sat down with my pictures to search for a cemetery view to post, when the phone rang. It was my grandmother.
She has "a stack of papers from the government" that she doesn't understand. "Some of them have deadlines. They're due in November, I think." No other family members are in town for the next few days and could I come help her with them?

Well of course I can.

And then maybe I'll go hang out with Pearl.