Katie has been turned to the dark side.
They did it in less than two hours. It started simply enough - an invitation to dinner. Dinner for all the brand new, incoming seventh graders at church. I felt a cold chill go down my spine as I drew the innocuous looking sheet of grey stationery from the envelope. I knew it was from the church, but it was signed by...
dum - duh - DUMMMM
...the Youth Minister.
It was only two hours, a hamburger, a board game and some wii bowling. How bad could it be, I thought? I was so wrong.
She was a 12 year old when I dropped her off. She was in Junior High when I picked her up. When we got in the car, the first words out of her mouth were "OH my gosh! This is so random! The boys were, like, so retarded!"
She's been Stepfordized.
I was still reeling when she totally switched tracks - "Are we going to church tomorrow night? Please, please tell me we're going! Even though we're not officially 7th graders until next week, they're going to let us go to the youth service tomorrow night. With the band! Please can we go?"
I considered weeping.
Eventually, in an attempt to steer the conversation into less treacherous waters, I asked how the meal was. It was good, she said. And she drank a Dr. Pepper.
"That's cool," I said. "You just can't go wrong with Dr. Pepper."
"Yeah, but I didn't know until later that they had Coke. I would've had a Coke."
"What are you? Some kind of communist?" I was rather shocked.
"What do you mean?"
"You're a Texan. All Texans drink Dr. Pepper. It's like the law or something!" My incredulity knew no bounds.
"Well, I guess I'm not a Texan," she said archly.
"Which makes you a communist." My logic was razor sharp.
"No I'm not! I'm...I'm..." wheels turned and wood burned as she searched for an answer. "I'm Chinese!" she finished triumphantly.
Once I explained why I was howling with laughter, she said "Oh yeah? Well, then, I'm gonna be from Korea!"
I could've wrecked the car. When I explained that one, she then said, "Well, fine! I'm gonna be from Russia!"
I thought I was going to hurt myself.
Guess I'll be going to church tomorrow night.