Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Frame Of Reference

Katie has been turned to the dark side.

They did it in less than two hours. It started simply enough - an invitation to dinner. Dinner for all the brand new, incoming seventh graders at church. I felt a cold chill go down my spine as I drew the innocuous looking sheet of grey stationery from the envelope. I knew it was from the church, but it was signed by...

dum - duh - DUMMMM

...the Youth Minister.


It was only two hours, a hamburger, a board game and some wii bowling. How bad could it be, I thought? I was so wrong.

She was a 12 year old when I dropped her off. She was in Junior High when I picked her up. When we got in the car, the first words out of her mouth were "OH my gosh! This is so random! The boys were, like, so retarded!"

She's been Stepfordized.

I was still reeling when she totally switched tracks - "Are we going to church tomorrow night? Please, please tell me we're going! Even though we're not officially 7th graders until next week, they're going to let us go to the youth service tomorrow night. With the band! Please can we go?"

I considered weeping.

Eventually, in an attempt to steer the conversation into less treacherous waters, I asked how the meal was. It was good, she said. And she drank a Dr. Pepper.

"That's cool," I said. "You just can't go wrong with Dr. Pepper."

"Yeah, but I didn't know until later that they had Coke. I would've had a Coke."

"What are you? Some kind of communist?" I was rather shocked.

"What do you mean?"

"You're a Texan. All Texans drink Dr. Pepper. It's like the law or something!" My incredulity knew no bounds.

"Well, I guess I'm not a Texan," she said archly.

"Which makes you a communist." My logic was razor sharp.

"No I'm not! I'm...I'm..." wheels turned and wood burned as she searched for an answer. "I'm Chinese!" she finished triumphantly.

Once I explained why I was howling with laughter, she said "Oh yeah? Well, then, I'm gonna be from Korea!"

I could've wrecked the car. When I explained that one, she then said, "Well, fine! I'm gonna be from Russia!"

I thought I was going to hurt myself.

Guess I'll be going to church tomorrow night.


DogBlogger said...

Oh, there's just so much packed into this story.

My condolences to you on the advent of teenagerhood.

SpookyRach said...

Thanks db. It's skeery!

Presbyterian Gal said...

*presto!* Seventh grade.

She knows everything now.

That is skeery!

I can wait.

annie said...

This should prove to be very interesting!

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

You will soon be out of your league Rach. I see lots of weeping in your future.

And I do not drink Dr. Pepper.

cheesehead said...

Is it okay if I smile just a tiny bit about the church part?

SpookyRach said...

PG - the only saving grace is that about two weeks ago, Katie told me: "I don't like Hannah Montana anymore." I fell on my knees and cried. There is a God.

annie - let's hope so! maybe...

Mindy - you're weird.

Cheese - yeah, you can smile. Those youth ministers are freaky people...

Patti said...

It happens to all of us. Be prepared to be stupid for the next 10 years or so.

Anonymous said...

And the best part is that now you get to go to the youth service! with the band! where you can sing all the 7-11 songs! (or be like my dad and drop off at the door and say you'll be back when you find a parking place.....generally when the service ended.)

Dijea said...

I feel the need to send her a vintage Be A Pepper t-shirt.

Did you hear about the old black woman from Georgia who called the police asking if the Russians were really invading her state because she didn't see any tanks or hear gunfire. She asked if the news was playing a joke on her.

That almost made me wet my pants. Seriously.

Flutterby said...

OMg. Finally another Texan who prefers... *gulp*.. Coke. She is one up on me though... I would have died of thirst before I drank the Dr. Pepper. My distaste for it is so bad that when we are out with the kids and one orders Dr.P, and I have a Coke, I make someone taste them before I drink because it's happened before that they *accidentally* gave me the Dr.P... and it makes me gag. I think someone has it in for me.
And if you think it's bad now... just wait until there is... a boy.

Songbird said...


SpookyRach said...

patti - ain't that the truth!

pb - does your dad have any other tips to pass along? I think that parking space idea is a good one!!

dijea - Remember Scott Baio singing "wouldn't like to be a pepper too?" ha ha haaaaa!

flutterby - I am soooo going to light a candle for you at church. (Well, maybe not, cuz I'm baptist and we've pretty much de-candle-ized...)

songbird - thanks!!

Dijea said...

Yes, that's what made me a total DR PEPPER fan. Scott Baio was ALL THAT.

Its not that I don't like Coke, its better for settling your stomach when its not right, but I'm a Pepper.

C. Wright said...

I love it, go Katie. From Youth Minister on down I laughed out loud. At least the band will play things unfamiliar to your ears and you can be glad they didn't teach her "Friends are Friends Forever". Some things might be improved.

Anonymous said...

...if the Lord's the Lord of them...."

come on spooky....sing along! Wait, put your arms around the waist of the person next to you first!

SpookyRach said...

Ok, PB. You and C.Wright are BOTH on my list!

*evil eye*

SpookyRach said...

ARGH!!!! Hideous ear worm has commenced.

Make it STOOOOP!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I lost it at "that's so random" arrugh!!!!

jonboy said...

...and a friend will not say "never" ...

Do they teach social studies in seventh grade?

SpookyRach said...

Maybe not, but they will say "hell no!".

Thank you sooooo much for reactivating the worm.

She had a really good social studies teacher last year and she knows lots about ancient Greeks, Romans and Egyptians. Communism? Not so much.

esperanza said...

When I was little (younger than Katie), I thought the following equation was true: not from Texas = Yankee. Not communist, true, but you could have been from Alabama and I would have thought you were a Yankee.

Condolences on the sudden onset teenagerdom.

And ppb can just STOP IT with the songs.

tracy said...

Hang on to your Spook! And keep the faith...church can be good :)

Donna said...

Well, it's amazing how "stupid" you've just become and how much you'll learn in the next six or seven years -- at least in the eyes of your teen. (I don't have any, but I remember well...)