Wednesday, February 24, 2016

100 Things Divorce Taught Me: Part The Second

12.  I haven't taken a decent picture since the split.  Not one.  I've barely even had my camera in my hand.  I guess that's one of those bits of creativity I'm going to have to practice.  And practice I will because I absolutely, completely and adamantly refuse to give that up. Not for anyone.
13.  I am appalled by how happy I am about going back to church, which sort of pisses me off.  I have a bit of a fear that I'm merely returning to my roots - that this is how I was raised and so I've reverted to what is comfortable for me.  I do not want it to be about that.  Not by a long shot.
14,  I've been vaguely thinking about retirement for the past several years.  No real plans, because I am not a planner.  Now my thinking has shifted from 'where will we live' to 'what will I do'?  I still hope to move somewhere else, somewhere more urban probably, but what do I want to do?  Before I was going to get some sort of fluff job and let Mr. PhD support me.  Now, not s'much.
15. There is an empty pizza box in my refrigerator.  It's been there for two weeks.  Partly because it helps the fridge look less empty and mostly because if I throw it away, I'm going to have to take out the trash.  I have learned I hate taking out the trash.
16.  I'm thankful for guy friends and for women who don't mind their husbands being my buddies. So far, I've only had one couple mark me as 'unclean' and remove me from contact with the male half of the double. If you asked he would tell you it's not me, it's him.  He would tell you he was removing himself from the appearance of evil.  He would tell you he's turning away from temptation.  He would tell you that as a 'man of the cloth' he can't take chances with his reputation.  He would be lying.  Don't be that guy.   
17.  That being said, I'm not so thankful that it's evidently ok to be more touchy-feely with me now that I'm not wearing a wedding ring.  It's very subtle.  And I'm not even sure that it's a conscious thing.  But I get patted on the shoulder more.  Or elbowed in the ribs after the really stupid joke.  Or just leaned on.  Stop that.  Don't be that guy.  
18.  This one is just free advice.  I've always thought it was the height of insecurity to do things like having a joint Facebook account.  I still think that.  Don't be those people.  Trust each other.  If you can't trust, then get some help.  You need it. (And yes, this is relationship advice from a divorced person.  That doesn't make me any less right.)  ((See #20.))
19. That time I said I was working to sublimate my natural hermit tendencies and how it hadn't killed me?  I think I might have been premature with the not being killed part.
20.  Being divorced means I am always right.  I was always right before, but now I don't have to prove it to anyone.  It's my way or the doggy door these days.  So far, so good. 

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

100 Things Divorce Taught Me, Part The First

You know what I got for Christmas?  I got a divorce.  Got it on New Year's Eve to be perfectly accurate.  It's been a strange, strange ride.  Up until Labor Day weekend I thought I had a great marriage.  Who knew?  Not me.

In the past few months I've learned a few things.  I expect to learn a great deal more.  I'm keeping a list.  You have to read it.  And comment.  Because I said so.


1.  I need smoke detectors.  How did my house pass inspection without them?  My previous house had them wired into the electricity, so I didn't have to think about changing the batteries.  I've lived in my current abode for five years and not until I started doing my own cooking did I realize that I don't have any detectors. 
2.  Too few people in this town listen to gossip.  I keep running into people who have no idea we split up. I told a few choice people and fully expected then to pass the word. They must have utterly failed me. Next time I will swear them to secrecy...
3.  Don't buy the super large pack of toilet paper.  I bought a huge package of Charmin Basic right about the time he vacated the premises.  It's a fine butt wiper, but the rolls are too large to fit into my toilet paper holder.  And it's going to take me months to use all of them!
4.  I'm mourning the fact that I have absolutely no reason to go to Costco.  None.  Dammit.
5.  Why did I think doing taxes was a big deal?  I haven't done my own taxes for 16 years.  Took me only about an hour all told.  And I got money back.  Yay, me.
6.  My dogs love men.  Love them.  They can smell the testosterone and breathe a huge sigh of relief whenever someone is exuding it in their presence.  This sort of pisses me off.
7.  Divorce and menopause.  Two great tastes that taste great together.  Or maybe not.  I can't decide if this co-occurrence will be the best of all possible worlds are the most intense shit-storm ever.  So far, so good.  Relatively speaking.
8.  There are exactly zero absolutes in life.
9.  Being a single parent to five animals, three of which are pretty much self-sufficient, is a chore.  How do women parent actual children?  Seriously?  I see no way that is humanly possible.
10.  Early on I knew I needed to balance my natural hermit-like tendencies with positive human contact.  My current living and working situation sort of lends itself to isolation, so I've made a conscious effort to step outside my comfort zone a tiny bit.  Just a bit.  It hasn't quite killed me.  It has come close, but not quite.
11.  I need to practice creativity.  Practice, practice, practice.

To be continued...



Saturday, February 06, 2016