Wednesday, November 29, 2006

A Couple of Ding-a-lings

Friday night is our night. Its time for our labor union to do its yearly service project. Didn't know I belonged to a union? I sure do. The American Federation of Miscreant Malcontents (Local #207). Otherwise known as the January Birthday Club.

Lo these many years ago, Fake Cow County officials started giving employees a day off on their birthday. Pretty cool, eh? Only one problem - it didn't apply retroactively to those of us who'd already had a birthday that year. That meant Rose and I missed out. Not being people who would willingly pass up a chance to be loud and obnoxious about something, she and I decided to form a union and submit a formal list of demands as a means of rectifying the injustice.

It turned into a yearly tradition that continued until our boss retired. Every year we submitted a lengthy and verbose letter detailing our dissatisfaction with the lack of activity by management on the previous year's demands. We requested simple things like like recliners for our offices, free massage service, windows, personal secretaries, a sizeable wardrobe budget and an office chef. Stuff like that.

After a while, we decided our union needed some good karma, so we started a yearly community service project. Every year,Rose and I ring bells for the Salavation Army at Wal-Mart the Friday night before pheasant season opens.

Back when this started, we were both single, thinner and a decade younger. The night before pheasant season is when every drunken hunter in the country heads to Wal-Mart to buy shells, socks and assorted camoflauged crap. We were loud and sorta brassy, so we made tons of money from the drunken hunters.

That was then.

Now its a chore. It always seems to be a lot colder on our bell night these days. We used to do this for 4 hours. Now we complain and whine about sore feet and knees after just a couple of hours. We don't even sign up for more than 3 hours these days. And the drunken hunters? They are harder to fleece. But we still have a ton of fun!

This year Rose is sick, so we have to postpone for a week and will miss the hunters altogether. But we'll be there next Friday, doing our civic duty. Even though we still don't have recliners.


14 comments:

klasieprof said...

While working as a Parole/Probation Felony Agent in Inner City saginaw (michigan), my partner and I happened to see HIS guy...who was doing Community Sevice being a Bell ringer at Home Depot in Saginaw...WITH the bucket beween his legs at the end of the store. His pants were intact so we did NOT think he was using it to ..ahh Ummmm...Relieve himself.
No, Instead...he was prying up the little folds of the bucket. He was confronted...with the wads of ones and pockets of change,,with the story..."I was enlarging the holes so it would be easier to get money IN". lol.
Yah..right. MMMErrry Christmas MR Felon

Cowtown Pattie said...

You crack me up!

What do you do with a drunken hunter?

Put him in a long boat till he's sober? Oh, yeah, that's sailor

I love the Bell Ringer Award! Good for you!

see-through faith said...

LOVE this :)

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

~laffin~ I love watching you get older!

P.M. Prescott said...

What, no demand for a bidet?

Quotidian Grace said...

What a hoot! Wish you were down here and I could join you.

SpookyRach said...

P.M. - Bidets sort of leave me cold...

reverendmother said...

I do so love your stories...

grandma1 said...

What no picket line? If you plan a strick and picket line someti me other than the current ice storm, I'll come walk the picket line with you. We might even talk Greek Shadow in walking the picket line.

Songbird said...

I love 'em, too.

Sue said...

Nice certificate!

Anonymous said...

Sorta brassy? Haruuumph. I have read this blog long enough to suspect the two of you together were more than sort of brassy!

Purechristianithink said...

I've done the bell thing a few times. It is kinda fun. But I bet Wal-Mart at hunting season is way more entertaining than suburban mall just outside Nordstrom's.

Patti said...

I'll be ringing the bells, too. And I betcha it's a little colder here. =)