Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Reason No. 428 Why I'm on the Short Bus To Perdition:

Katie and I were driving home after church on Sunday morning. Since Jackson was out of town, she was happy to get to sit in the front seat. It was a longer drive than usual because I'd let a friend talk me into going to an itty bitty church in a neighboring town.

This has nothing to do with anything, but: I grew up in itty bitty churches. I love 'em. But, damn! I don't miss 'em. I like being one of a crowd.

As we drove, Katie was perusing her Bible.

"I got this for my first communion," she said. "My mom gave it to me."

"I remember," I replied.

"Look at this - I marked my favorite verse."

"Nice! What is your favorite verse?"

She read me the story of Jesus blessing the children. "That's my favorite story. At least, it's my favorite that I've read so far." she told me.

"Very cool!"

I drove on for a few minutes. She continued to page through her Bible. I looked over at her and didn't even think twice before completely giving in to temptation.

"You wanna know what my favorite verse is?" I asked her. "Look up Judges 4:21."

Jael, Heber's wife, picked up a tent peg and a hammer and went quietly to him while he lay fast asleep, exhausted. She drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died.

Katie read it out loud and then just stared at me, open-mouthed.

"That...that's just....really harsh!" she finally said. "I can't believe that's in the Bible!"

"Believe it, girlfriend!"

"Oh. my. gosh. That's really, really bad...."

"Yep. Pretty much. So, you better be good, or I'll have to do like they did in the Bible and nail yer temples to the floor."

"Noo!" she yelled and grabbed her head. "My temples are sacred!"

I really like this kid. (Why yes, I am working on my acceptance speech for the Parent of the Year Award. Why do you ask?)

Sunday, October 28, 2007

How I Spend My Nights...

Friday nights, anyway.

I was born in Texas. In fact, I was actually born in Fake Cow County and since returning here to go to college, I've now lived here longer than anywhere else in my life. Naturally, I was born with the prerequisite football appreciation gene. I like football, I really do.

I understand the difference between the I formation and the shotgun. I know where the tight ends line up and why certain receivers are ineligible down field. I even kind of like the vague, witless, palm-reader style of the college playoff system. I'm cool with that.

But I still think football fanaticism is pretty stupid.

Unfortunately, I married a damn pigskin freak. Jackson's family is all about the sports. He had a try-out with the Cincinnati Reds and had 'em real interested until they learned he lied about his age and he was only 17. He was all sorts of good at football and played one year in college before he got irreversibly injured.

So, I spend my Friday nights huddled in various low-rent sports venues watching whatever game has caught his attention for the week. A lot of times those are 6-man football games.

Jackson's brother is the head coach and athletic director at a tiny school about 40 miles from Fake Cow. There are so few students that they don't have enough kids to play regular football; not even if they recruited a girl to kick the field goals.

6-man football is like basketball played in cleats. It's actually a lot of fun to watch. My favorite part is the mercy rule - as soon as one team gets 45 points ahead of the other, the game ends and we all get to go home early.

Anyway, I told you all that to tell you this: this past Friday we went to see Coach-in-law's game with their number one rival. I took my camera, just for the heck of it. Here is a shot of the entire team and coaching staff watching the play from the sidelines:

See what I mean by small? Naturally, the school doesn't have a lot of money to spend on stuff like trainers and medics and such. Coach-in-law was a medic in the navy before being discharged for a knee injury. (It happened while playing football. Who wouldda guessed?) So, when something happens to one of his players, he doctors them on the sidelines. Friday night one of the guys dislocated a finger. Might have broken it. I managed to get a shot of CIL fixing the finger while keeping an eye on the action happening downfield. You should've heard the horrible crack it made when it popped back into place. Everyone in the stands said "Ooh!" and shuddered in unison. And I snapped a photo! Doesn't this make you cringe?

I'll be sort of glad when football season ends...

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

How Will I Die?

Oh, ha ha. Real funny.

I'm choking on the irony.

How will I die?
Your Result: You will die while having sex.

Your last moments in this life will be enjoyable indeed...hopefully. Do not fear sex. Try not to become celibate as a way of escaping death. You cannot run from destiny.

You will die in your sleep.
You will die while saving someone's life.
You will die of boredom.
You will be murdered.
You will die in a nuclear holocaust.
You will die in a car accident.
You will die from a terminal illness.
How will I die?
Create a Quiz

Here's the link: http://www.gotoquiz.com/how_will_i_die

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Friday Cemetery Blogging

Check it out!

Snoopy's grave!


Ok, fine. Maybe it wasn't that funny. But it made me laugh.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I received an email this morning....


1. Guess what you have not done yet?
2. Guess who took notice this morning?
3. Guess what was not in your truck?

1. Expired inspection sticker
2. Our friendly local Fake Cow City Police Officers
3. A new/current insurance card

After dropping Katie off for school, a nice police officer pulled me over and pointed out to me that the inspection sticker on the 2001 Ford F-150 was expired and I was asked for my license and insurance verification. But a current insurance card was not located in said truck, only expired ones. So then the nice policeman lectures me for 5 minutes on the state law which requires a vehicle receive an annual inspection which must be kept current at all times and the law requiring that current proof of automobile insurance be made available at all times while operating a motor vehicle on a public highway or street in the State of Texas. I was then questioned as to why I was driving a vehicle registered to another person and when I informed the nice policeman that the registered owner of the said vehicle was my spouse, I then had to go into the explanation as to why the registered owner of said vehicle which I claimed to be my spouse had a different last name.

I do not know what gods were shining down upon me but they had to have been since I only received a warning and not a ticket. Long story short, you need to get the said vehicle (2001 Ford F-150) inspected and the registration expires at the end of this month.


Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Four Things Meme

Zorra and Mid-Life Rookie tagged me for to come up with four things…

Four Jobs I’ve Held:

Grocery Store Flunky (We had four aisles and a meat market!)
Secretary/Office Jester
Probation Officer

Four Films I Could Watch Over and Over:

Much Ado About Nothing
THE Star Wars Trilogy (you know, the real ones, the ones that don’t suck.)
Manhattan Murder Mystery (I really like most of Woody Allen’s movies, but I have to watch them a minimum of four times before I really, really get them.)
The Blues Brothers

Four TV Shows I Watch:

The Shield (Jackson watches this religiously and I have sort of gotten hooked by osmosis.)
Pretty much any/all mystery shows on BBC America
The Simpsons
Whatever’s showing on the Discovery/History/Learning channel. It’s much less effort than watching drama and I hate sitcoms and reality/game shows.

Four Places I’ve Lived:

Welch, TX
Post, TX
Roby, TX
Whitehall, Montana
(You could put the entire populations of all of these places together and still probably have less people than in this year’s graduating class at Fake Cow High School. Home of the Fake Fighting Canines.)

Four Favorite Foods:

Sincronizada (a hyped-up quesadilla from my favorite Mexican food place.)
Jackson’s ribs (they’re like candy, I tell ya!)
Chicken Milano from Johnny Carinos (because I just don’t get enough cholesterol in my daily diet)
Tator Tots

Four Websites I Visit Daily

The Institute of Official Cheer
Read Print

All your blogs, of course!

Four Favorite Colors

Deep, Dark Purple
Cobalt Blue

Four Places I Would Love to be Right Now

Great Britain
Transylvania (I keep trying to convince Jackson we should go there. I can’t tell you how unimpressed he is with that idea!)
Snuggled up in bed in an ice-cold room, under a ton of blankets, listening to the rain outside.

Four Names You Love, But Could/Would Not Use for Your Children:
(Aw, hell. That’s all I could come up with. I’ve been thinking about it for two days! I think I have some sort of mental block when it comes to considering having children, with or without names. So, I’m giving up and posting this as is.)

Here are the next four tagees:
Jonboy, Jeff, David, Annie