Earlier this week Katie asked if she could take one of her friends to a movie this afternoon. We’d agreed and at lunch I asked her which friend she’d decided to take.
“Miranda.”
“Miranda who?” I asked. She told me.
“Has Miranda ever been arrested?” I inquired seriously.
“No!”
“Does she sell drugs? Is she a TV preacher?” I inquired further.
“Noooo!”
“That’s good,” Jackson said. “You gotta be careful of those evangelicals.”
“Well, does she have a job?” I asked.
“She’s only 12!”
“That’s no excuse,” Jackson opined. “How is she going to support herself without a job?”
“Daddy! She lives with her parents!”
Jackson and I met eyes across the table. “Moocher!” we both said.
Katie gave a disgusted sigh and shook her head. She turned her attention to her plate.
“Was she ever in the military?” I asked.
“Noooo!”
"Is she a conscientious objector? Or is she just unwilling to serve?”
“I don’t even know what that means!” Katie said.
“Who did she vote for in the last election?” Jackson asked.
“She can’t vote!”
I looked over at Jackson. “Sounds like a communist to me.”
“I thought so too,” he said. “What kind of twelve year old joins the communist party?”
“Such a shame,” I said, shaking my head.
Jackson raised an eyebrow at Katie. “Miranda probably listens to Rush Limbaugh,” he said accusingly.
“Who is Rush Limbaugh?” Katie asked.
“Exactly!” Jackson said, waving a fork at her.
We ate in silence for a few minutes.
“You're sure she’s never been arrested?” I asked again.
“Yes!!” Katie all but yelled.
“If she keeps this up, she’ll be arrested sooner or later,” Jackson said sadly. I nodded in remorseful agreement.
Katie groaned.
I can’t wait until she starts trying to date.
20 comments:
Well, Lord knows ya gotta stay on top of things or they end up going to heck in a handbasket.
Lordy that child does not have a chance!
She is kinda like the cousin from The Munsters isn't she?
I think you and I are cousins, Rach.
God bless you and Jackson and thanks for the wonderful inspiration! You two need to write an advice column.
Gonna use this one, I am.
That's hilarious. Wonder when she'll figure out turn about is fair play?
Scary, that.
You realize how much this is going to cost you in therapy later don't you?
Oh, and I'm going to borrow this in about 5 years.
It is your JOB to keep her from watching movies with those that listen to Rush Limbaugh!
Years later, after Katie entered therapy, she discovered her issues stemmed from her childhood! Then she sued her parents to recover her therapist's expenses and tacked on pain and suffering. That caused her parents to enter the Poor House where they lived forever after.
I hate to tell you Rach, but I think I ticked off your FeedJit thing. I was trying to see if I could figure out who was coming from Eunice, Louisiana so I went to the FeedJit map and clicked on La. and it said Baton Rouge. Then I clicked out of your blog and came back and clicked on the "more info from FeedJit" tab and it said "from now on, the FeedJit website will ignore you."
I think it (the FeedJit thing) thinks I am from Eunice Lousisiana.
Just thought you'd like to know....
so you can tell your FeedJit thing to stop ignoring me.
It's terrible, being ignored by an Internet gadjet...sniff, sniff.
oh, annie. You crack me up!
My sides hurt, and it's your fault.
Love this, Rach. I would love to hear how Katie described this conversation to her friends. Hilarious!
Now that's what I call good parenting: help 'em grow up with a sense of humor. A reverse of the scene from Uncle Buck when McCauley Culkin is interrogating John Candy.
Peace,
Milton
Joe wants to come down for a visit.
that howling you heard? that was me, lmao!
POOR KATIE!!! I'm thinking a weekend in a jail cell might be good for some PEACE for her to get away from you TWO!!! Waa-ha-ha-ha!!! You are a riot!!! ;o) p
I love this! Will you & Jackson write Dave's & my dialogue sermon?
You guys are just way too funny!
Laughing over here!
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