Saturday, September 08, 2007

Nothing Particularly Adventurous

Save this post. One of these days when I am either sick, afflicted or infirm, you're going to need it. (Did you ever have that guy in your church? The one who prayed in the sing-song voice for the sick, the afflicted aaaaand the infirm? We did. He also threw in something about filthy luker, but I can't quite remember how that went.) Anyway. One of these days, I'll be sitting in a hospital bed grumbling and grousing and generally being an ass. Feel free to throw this in my face at that point.

Dad has never really been sick before. Oh sure, he has diabetes, but he's all health-nut-extreme-o and it's not really been much of a problem. He doesn't do being in the hospital very well. I'm about to kick his ass.

I've become a bit grouchy myself, so he's about to try and kick mine. I think this may be the only time in my life that I could beat him in a fair fight. I'll let ya know how it turns out. My mom is also a bit cabin-crazy and may run over the both of us with her wheelchair. However, she's in the old manual-transmission type chair, since there is precious little room for her motorized one, and I don't think she can catch either one of us.

Dad is currently planning some sort of tall-people class action addendum to the Americans with Disabilities Act. Everything is too short - the gowns, the bed, the toilet, his temper, the time the doctor spends with him, the amount of time he spends sleeping, the chairs and my patience. He has waxed eloquent lengthy on the subject this morning.

Have I mentioned that my worthless sibling is making the 3 hour drive to get here tomorrow? I will make the three hour drive back and go to work on Monday. I think three hours of adventure movie soundtracks tuned to brain-liquefying decibel levels while driving down solitudinous blacktop will be a good thing.

On a less whiny note, my aunt and some of her kids will be here tomorrow. I haven't seen any of them in a hundred and twelve years. We do an exceptionally horrible job of keeping up with each other in my family. We all seem to agree that if ya ain't dead, ain't no need to come see ya. I'm looking forward to visiting them and meeting a few 9-12 year old second cousins that I've never met before, without having to waste part of the visit at a funeral service.

You may remember my family reunion, which I attended this summer. It was the first one I'd been to in years - since before I got married. It was good I went. Helped me remember a few names and a couple of voices, which saved me from being totally lost while fielding phone calls from some assorted great-uncles and cousins this week. Even with their side-showish eyebrows, they are really nice people. I don't know why we don't keep in touch. (Note to self: pluck eyebrows. I'm starting to get a few of those bearded lady lookin' hairs up there, myself.)

Oh, and just so you won't think the funeral home folks are too creepy: Dad used to work there part-time. Sort of their Lurch-In-Residence. (Although, actually, he more generally resembles Herman Munster.) So, they're buddies and sent him get well flowers out of the goodness of their frigid little death-mongering hearts.

Well, I must go - he's sending me out in search of a lot of old guy paraphernalia. However, he's also requested I get him a comic book to read. There may be hope for him, yet!

14 comments:

Presbyterian Gal said...

"One of these days, I'll be sitting in a hospital bed grumbling and grousing and generally being an ass. "

Perhaps not. Maybe you and I will be the lucky ones whose brains stop working before our bodies and we won't be aware of a goshdarned thing except the pretty spiderweb up in the corner......

I'll be thinkin' of you tomorrow as I drive my three hours to and from my mom's to help her pack.

Janie said...

Be careful on your drive - enjoy yourself - you deserve some alone time!

Glad your dad's improving and all is going well.

Still praying!

DogBlogger said...

Oh, Rach -- Got back in town late last night and just catching up tonight... glad your dad's doing well and continuing to improve... hope that everyone stays sane through all this (your storytelling is certainly a help!).

Blessings and prayers,
A

Quotidian Grace said...

My doc and I (she's a good old gal from Crossplains, TX, by the way and TALLER than me!) have agreed that we will be roomies at the old folks home . We'll join your dad in his Tall People suit against the world. By then, we'll be really fed up.

Glad to hear he's improved enough for you to go home. Having just been through a similar scenario with my 90+ year old FIL, who also recovered, I am very sympathetic.

Prayers continuing.

Songbird said...

Rach, thank goodness for a sense of humor, it really helps!

little david said...

We're still praying for you, Rachel, although I might have failed to include a request to the Sunday school class that you be able to out-wrestle your dad. Hope you found two or three substantial comic books.

Mile High Pixie said...

LOL, Rach! I should mention, as a designer using and sometimes-enforcer of ADAAG,that the disabled design guidelines are to help most of the people most of the time. There are countertops for which I at 5 feet tall am too short but my coworker Elliot is too tall for at 6-foot-6. However, I'm sure it still bugs your pop to no end. Let me know when you need me to come redo your parents' house to meet both their needs.

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

You are too damned funny...even when you are plotting.

Glad that he feels good enough to get on your nerves.

C. Wright said...

The Prayer I remember also included the de--pressed and the o--pressed along with the si-uck and afflickted. I'm not sure which is you, your dad, or your mom but I'm praying. Glad he has improved to being a grouch. I guess I assumed you were in big flat city but must be closer to their home. I'm in that large city to the north of fake cow tonight, thoroughly enjoying a room to myself! Love your waiting room notes.

Grace, Every Day said...

Rach - just catching up and late with the praying for your dad. Glad that he is doing better, and glad that you are maintaing your sanity and sense of humor.

Praying for what's next to come...

reverendmother said...

Still prayin'! Take good care.

Miss Kitty said...

Even though your dad is in the hospital, and I know you're probably worried as can be, your posts are still making me laugh my ass off. Does your dad know you blog? Does he use the computer? I hope he can laugh at himself, if he does get online. :-P He sounds like a real character.

God bless you, Spooky. You're all in my thoughts & prayers. And try not to kill Mr. Couth...why dontcha just let another bad case of Oedipus Syndrome take care of that?

Phiz said...

Old guy stuff and comic books. GREAT combo!
I love the Oedipus story! WAY FUN!
Blessings all over you. You tell this story and make it sound not so bad, but it has to be a tough time for you... sending you good vibes!

Patti said...

Wow. Never a dull moment. But you know the patient usually gets better when he starts getting grumpy.