Moderately

And finally - this year's card! Hope you like it. Have a Happy New Year and hopefully you will be blissfully bereft of boozers.

As near as I and Janet the Archivist can tell, this is the entire collection of cards. (Except for that one with the spider who caught a man in her web which was so dreadfully below par that none of us even saved it. But we won't mention that here.) Just like every year I am resolved to find my card photo early and avoid the holiday rush. And just like every year I will probably be skulking the cemeteries sometime around December 15th with a harried and desperate look about my person that many a caretaker has mistaken for the grief of facing the holidays without Aunt Whomever.

Spirited

The year 2000 was a bit of a ho-hum card year. I do kind of like the vague, twilight feel of this photo, however.

Still laughing...

Last year I was in a rush. (As usual.) Down to two weeks before Christmas and no card photo. (Nothing new.) I took the afternoon off from work and made a quick trip to Amarillo. Just after passing through the cemetery gates, I turned a bend and tuh-duh! The Hallmark Card is one of my all time favorites.

Pals

This one is not one of my favorites, but I was hard up this year. Don't know when this was, probably 1996 or 1997. The scan doesn't let you read the inscription which says: "Pals" and lists the names of William H. Bonney, Charlie Bowdre and Tom O'Folliard. This is one of the gravesites of Billy the Kid. Notice The Kid is still in jail. This is in Fort Sumner, New Mexico.

Howdy Folks! Y'all looking for something nice in a used stone?

I am assuming (hoping?) this was a mock stone to illustrate the quality of the cemetery superstore's machine made tombstones. The blue sign says "This monument is available for sale. To be moved to selected lots." However, it had nothing setting it apart from the stones surrounding it, except for the terse little blue sign. Well, that and the insipid "Her hugs were the best" inscription. But who knows? Maybe they were the best.

Keep The Home Fires Burning

This card is my favorite so far, although there are a couple of others that come close. I took this photo while visiting my brother who was the newspaper editor for a small town in the Kiamichi Mountains of Oklahoma. One evening he got a call that the antiques store, in an impressive three story Victorian gingerbread house, was on fire. He rushed out to take photos of the inferno and I grabbed my camera and tagged along. Look closely at the middle and you will see an antique sewing machine silhouetted in the flame. This was in 1995 or 1996.

Queen of the Single Wide...

I took this photo on my honeymoon and sent it out for Christmas 1999. It is on the side of a God-forsaken stretch of road between Los Alamos, New Mexico and Juarez, Mexico. This charming fixer-upper was the only structure visible for miles and miles...and miles...

Slaughter - The First Card

This card was the first - 1994. I was on vacation in Saint Jo, Texas. (Don't laugh - it was really interesting and I had a great time.) While in the local cemetery, skulking around, I turned to take a look at this field of stones, all facing the other direction. The only inscription showing was on the large stone in the back. It says "Slaughter". That was the inspiration and the beginning.

The Last Noel

This is a card I sent out in 1997 or 1998. Maybe '96? Who knows?
I should have been keeping better records of this. So, for the next few weeks, as time allows, I plan on posting my last 10 years of Christmas cards. If I am guessing right, 2004 is the 10 year anniversary of Skewed View Christmas Cards.

Head Swells, Then Bursts

I am a superhero. I can do anything. Yes - Its true. Just ask my niece. Whenever I say "Who is Ray-Ray?" she knows to say "Ray-Ray is Wonder Woman".

My powers, which are far beyond those of mortal men, were put to the test this weekend. Jackson was in the hospital with a gaping, toothless, mouth-shaped wound in his gut. (Not to fear - it was supposed to be there.) The wound has to be packed so it can heal from the inside out.

We were about to leave to go home on Sunday when the nurse, a very nice Asian lady with a heavy accent, came in to change the dressing.

"Stand back," I said, adopting my best superhero pose. "I will have to do this at home, so let me try it out now."

The nurse gave me the packing material (unfortunately not bubble wrap) and some long, wooden-handled Q-tippy things to poke it in with. I went to work and was doing what I thought was a damn good job - not feeling woozy or nuthin.

Then, just as I finished -- BLAM! The wooden Q-tip handle thing snapped in two! ZING - half of it flew across the room!

"Ahh..." said the nurse. "You a little tense, no?"

Heh. Heh. Maybe just a little. Heh.

Check out the lizard...