Wednesday, February 17, 2016

100 Things Divorce Taught Me, Part The First

You know what I got for Christmas?  I got a divorce.  Got it on New Year's Eve to be perfectly accurate.  It's been a strange, strange ride.  Up until Labor Day weekend I thought I had a great marriage.  Who knew?  Not me.

In the past few months I've learned a few things.  I expect to learn a great deal more.  I'm keeping a list.  You have to read it.  And comment.  Because I said so.

1.  I need smoke detectors.  How did my house pass inspection without them?  My previous house had them wired into the electricity, so I didn't have to think about changing the batteries.  I've lived in my current abode for five years and not until I started doing my own cooking did I realize that I don't have any detectors. 
2.  Too few people in this town listen to gossip.  I keep running into people who have no idea we split up. I told a few choice people and fully expected then to pass the word. They must have utterly failed me. Next time I will swear them to secrecy...
3.  Don't buy the super large pack of toilet paper.  I bought a huge package of Charmin Basic right about the time he vacated the premises.  It's a fine butt wiper, but the rolls are too large to fit into my toilet paper holder.  And it's going to take me months to use all of them!
4.  I'm mourning the fact that I have absolutely no reason to go to Costco.  None.  Dammit.
5.  Why did I think doing taxes was a big deal?  I haven't done my own taxes for 16 years.  Took me only about an hour all told.  And I got money back.  Yay, me.
6.  My dogs love men.  Love them.  They can smell the testosterone and breathe a huge sigh of relief whenever someone is exuding it in their presence.  This sort of pisses me off.
7.  Divorce and menopause.  Two great tastes that taste great together.  Or maybe not.  I can't decide if this co-occurrence will be the best of all possible worlds are the most intense shit-storm ever.  So far, so good.  Relatively speaking.
8.  There are exactly zero absolutes in life.
9.  Being a single parent to five animals, three of which are pretty much self-sufficient, is a chore.  How do women parent actual children?  Seriously?  I see no way that is humanly possible.
10.  Early on I knew I needed to balance my natural hermit-like tendencies with positive human contact.  My current living and working situation sort of lends itself to isolation, so I've made a conscious effort to step outside my comfort zone a tiny bit.  Just a bit.  It hasn't quite killed me.  It has come close, but not quite.
11.  I need to practice creativity.  Practice, practice, practice.

To be continued...


Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

I LOVE this list and I look forward to the other parts.

You are doing just great at the living part!

annie said...

I'm so very proud of you!

Re: #3, I've been wondering when they are going to make extra large TP holders for those rolls!

Re:#8, I'm pretty sure I agree (I did a thang that says something about this. I'll have to look it up when I get home).

Cyn Huddleston said...

I think you are good at divorced life. I'd give you an A for bouncing back quickly without excessive wallowing. B for getting out in the world, only because I don't want to encourage backsliding. C- for feeding yourself. Seriously. Do better. Buy steamable frozen veggies. A for getting on with life.
Next report in 6 weeks.

Cyn Huddleston said...

Oh, and taxes. Seriously? 16 years. Girl! Dump the dude and H&R Block all at once.

Anonymous said...

A learning list.... I love it!

But really.......#7. D & M

You are doing a great job!


Martha Spong said...

Wow, good on you for doing the taxes!
You seem to have a very sensible approach to your change in circumstances. I agree that pet care is among the single person challenges, but it eventually becomes second nature.

spookyrach said...

Thanks, y'all!!! The dude did the taxes up until last year when we had crazy estate stuff to deal with. But yeah, tax software is my friend!

Monica said...

Not in the same particular circumstances, but I've found #2 to be true at the most inconvenient times. Mr E had a family tragedy in October, of the sort that it was painful to have to repeat. But repeat it I had to, because people kept asking where he was. Now in other cases, the gossip tree is far too efficient. How to make it bow to my will?

spookyrach said...

Such a good question. I honestly think it's because I didn't tell them it was a secret. If I'd been all shady about it, it would've been around town in 24 hours, right? haha! (Sorry about Mr. E's stuff. Hope all is well(ish) )

Lori said...

#8 for sure... yes. #8

Sounds like you are doing ok.... the no gossip thing struck me a little odd. But you know what folks don't know, they'll make up their own story to fill in the blanks.. and so goes life. Filling in the blanks.

D.Lott Arellano said...

3. Or if you do, make sure it is not the texture of emery cloth. (Lesson learned.)
6. Jerks.
7. I think it's best to just get it all over with in one fell swoop. Feel the burn.
8. Absolute truth.
9. I am where you are and have been in the other place as well. No idea how we manage to not kill them - furry or not.
10. Let me know how you do it.

Kick ass, girl! You got this.

Janet Seright said...

Surely Costco sells Smoke Detectors and stand alone toilet paper holders. Or you could get creative and toilet paper trees around town and start a rumor about who did it. The most shocking thing here is you are of a menopausal age that sounds way too grown up.

spookyrach said...

I'm only a faux-adult. So no worries there. :)

Cowtown Pattie said...

Well, hell, gurlfriend... I have nothing, nada to add or offer here, but just know this: YOU ARE AWESOME...

stinuksuk said...

May this new chapter in your life bring you blessings beyond your imagination. You are clever, witty and very capable. Let your heart grieve and heal. One day, you will return to taking your great photos. Peace be with you.