Tuesday, May 06, 2008


Rain always makes me want to write.

I like to walk in the rain, but tonight mud is a bit of a factor. Still, the dog is avoiding me and she sort of slinks away anytime I look over at the leash. I've never had a dog that liked to walk in the rain. I dunno why.

Today was an interesting day. I got flowers. Well, a flower. One of my probationers brought me a red rose. I didn't have to yell at him, so I figured I could perhaps keep it without it being a bribe. Mindy and the boss were standing in the hallway outside my office when my guy left. I took the rose out to show them.

Mindy demanded to know what I had done to merit flowers. I explained that the guy told me it was a Mother's Day rose. She eyed me with a critical gaze.

"Was he younger than you?" she asked.


"That's it then. He thinks you're his mama."

I think I stuck my tongue out at her, because that's the kind of mature discourse which pervades our corporate culture. My boss took a look at the rose, nipped off one of the thorns and ate it. I kid. you. not. I asked him if the term 'oral fixation' meant anything to him. He asked if that was the big word next to his picture in the dictionary.

Then, my next guy, whom I normally cannot stand, asked if he could start seeing me twice a month instead of just once. As I tried to dislodge the gum that I inadvertently sucked down my windpipe, he explained that he was sorry we'd gotten off on the wrong foot and that he knew he had a lot he had to get done over the next year in order to get off of probation. He thought it would just be easier if he reported more often so I could keep his feet to the fire.

After I picked my jaw up off the floor and finished with that guy, the next one showed up having done nothing on his community service. None. Nada. Zilch. But the first words out of his mouth were "I wanna make a deal." His idea of a deal was to agree that if he didn't complete 24 hours of community service this month, I could send him to jail. He claims he needed some extra motivation.

Vince Lombardi could only hope for that kind of motivation.

I don't know what's going on. Maybe it's the humidity.


Presbyterian Gal said...

They're all prolly sittin' down at the DQ with wifi waitin' to read about themselves on your blog.

Or they are possessed by snomed (backwards demons)

*note to self: keep DQ with wifi for next story*

annie said...

Well, I imagine too much humidity will make you do strange things, especially if you are not used to it.

Somehow, I like PG's theory and think maybe you ought to check out who's hanging out at the local DQ!

Songbird said...

I think you are magical and don't even know it.

jonboy said...

When's the next full moon?
Get yourself a labrador.
And if PG has a DQ with wifi, she is living in a far more progressive society than we. We're lucky our DQ has electricity.

jonboy said...

...than "us."

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...


As I told you this morning;
my first thought was *she's bringin' in like a stray mama cat*

Then I really got to thinking that you are just bringing sexy back. *grins*

Bunny Bunster said...

"Big word next to picture in dictionary" cracked me up!!

You are a good person, and they know it!!

esperanza said...

Y'all stink. We just have the humidity and the crazies, but no rain.

Rev Kim said...

And here I sit in my office all by myself, while y'all are having all the fun.

Janie said...

Talk about never boring, girlfriend!

P M Prescott said...

We could sure use some of that rain here.