Monday, January 07, 2008

Random Stuffs of Monday Madness

I had this really great post that I was going to do tonight. (Well, not really great, but at least mildly entertaining.) However, I left the scrap of legal pad that it's written on in my office. I had a long wait in court this morning, which is the only place on the planet that I submit to the torture of waiting without a book, so I tend to fill the time with writing.

Unfortunately, when I don't bring the drabblous scribblings home with me, it does none of us any good.

So, speaking of waiting, I find myself becoming more and more intolerable of it. I can wait for days on end, as long as I have a book to read. If not, I ain't doin' it. No way. No how. I refuse to even pull into the parking lot of the doctor's office without a significantly weighty tome. (Nothing deep - just something lengthy.) I even read when I'm in line at the drive through at the bank. Although I've not stooped to my father's low of taking a book to the movies to read by what might as well be distant candlelight, that's only because I don't usually get there before the previews start. I've even taken a book to a funeral.

What is the weirdest place you read?

That being said - I've sadly neglected reading over the last year or so. I've done it in fits and starts in lines and at restaurants rather than sitting down at home and doing some serious page-turning. But I plan to change that. I'm halfway through the first Stephanie Plum novel by Janet Evanovich. Y'all were right - she's just too dang funny. Please feel free to send more suggestions my way.

I've been reading this evening because Jackson is watching TV. Now that Katie is in bed, he's indulging in his most gawd-awful, divorce-inducing, eye-gougingly irritating habit. He's watching 'rasslin'.

Is there a support group for people whose cohabitants indulge in watching wrestling on a weekly basis? I guess I shouldn't complain. He doesn't get drunk and mean. He doesn't beat the kid. He doesn't gamble uncontrollably or snort cocaine. As far as I know he's not cheating on me with some redneck floozy - although we might could work something out if she was willing to dust - and he's generally kind to animals.

But, damn.

And he doesn't watch it quietly. He has rasslin' deafness, which means he claims not to be able to hear it unless it is excruciatingly loud. Makes me want to ream out his ears with a Dremel tool. He just left to grab a coke. I turned it down to an almost normally level. He won't notice the difference when he returns but he'll turn it up a couple of notches anyway when he gets back. He knows I always turn it down when he's not looking.

God, I hate rasslin'.

I blame my father-in-law. He used to make his living as a professional wrestler on the local circuits. His career ended early due to an injury, but not before he thoroughly indoctrinated his kids. (His dad moved from rasslin' to a career as a fake heroine dealer. But that's a whole other story.) So every Monday night, this stuff pervades my abode, assaulting my senses and lowering our collective IQ.

And if the 'show' weren't bad enough, the commercials that accompany it are downright insulting.

So, before my brain totally liquefies and oozes out my ears, I will give you a bit of hard-learned advice: Don't change your ringtone to Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor. Even thought it's a really good idea and it will make you grin like an idiot whenever your phone rings, don't do it. Because each and every time the phone rings, you will find yourself duty-bound by the irrevocable laws of the universe to answer the phone in your best Lurch voice.

"You raaaaang?"


Janie said...

Rasslin' makes me crazy, too - I hate it(though, sick as I am, sometimes I like to watch Hogan and his family on reality tv). Hey - wasn't Terry Funk from Amarillo? That would be two wrestlers from the northern part of Texas. I sort of remember that...Texas must claim a lot of wrestlers...

Go check out my story about reading while doing ordinary chores...

Presbyterian Gal said...

I have read just about everywhere. Even while brushing my teeth and while vacuuming (Lordy I hate cleaning!)

As to the rasslin' and the TV, I am so sorry. My own resident man-boy watches all TV except the weather channel, with the sound muted. And all but 1 of the lights out. And every cushion in the room on the floor. Along with all the blankets in the house. And banana peels and half full glasses of orange juice.

Six 'o one, half a dozen of the t'other.

Anonymous said...

Rasslin' - SPIT !! I hate it!

Readin' - I love it. Sitting in a hot bubble bath is my favorite, but it makes the pages a bit wrinkled. Yes, Janet Evanovich is Great!

That video was awesome. I can only imagine you having that as your ring tone. Too funny. While watching the video, I thought that guy had three arms!!

My Sonny Boy watches Ellen and Dr. Phil when he get's home from school. Ellen is OK, but Dr. P. makes me want to hurl.
Husband, being the farmer that he is, is always watching the Weather Channel. Sometimes I wish Jim Cantorrie (sp?) would get blown away in a hurricane!!

P M Prescott said...

I once read an English assignment on the bus at a stadium between running the mile and 3 mile. I had the trainer come get me when it was time to warm up for the 3 mile. The one part I loved about being a security guard while in college was all the time it gave you to read.
Suggestions about 'rasslin.
1. build a soundproof room and use it as your reading room.
2. Buy those Bose noise reduction earphones. Soundproof room might be cheaper.
3. Go to the local library to read.
4. Make Monday your night to go out and spend time with other 'rasslin widows. Spend lots of hubby's money at Wally World on shoes and clothes you'll never wear.

Hope you're having a nice start to the New Year.

Dijea said...

THis is not weird, but just rude. I've read at the dinner table, with everyone sitting down eating. Yes, a family dinner and I have my book in front of me. I've read in parking lots, waiting for the doctor, the bathroom. The only place I can't read is a moving vehicle. It makes me sick to my stomach to read while driving or flying.

I just ordered PLUM LUCKY, out today. I love Janet Evanovich. Wait till you get to the book where Lula goes on the bacon diet. I laughed! Sometimes, when I just burst into uncontrollable laughter while in bed, I hear my husband yell, are you reading one of those books again. I guess Stephanie Plum is my rasslin.

Have you read Minette Walters? Excellent English mysteries.

esperanza said...

Weirdest place I've ever read? Don't know, but I used to take books to my little brother's soccer games and read under the bleachers (also avoiding sunburn that way, see?).

And rasslin-watching is outlawed at my house. Even if you're watching it on mute, I can tell by the weird flashes out of the corner of my eye. No, just no. There are plenty of other annoying, IQ-lowering items on our tv screen don't worry that I'm somehow depriving him.

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

I LOVE when your phone rings.

Bebo thinks that the only thing better than rasslin is mexican rasslin. ~sighs~

Crimson Rambler said...

The Dremel tool just about finished me. I have read in the bath, and in bed, and in the car (NOT while driving, though I've seen it done, Heaven preserve us); and walking to school; and at the dinner table; and while "stirring constantly"...and of course under the covers with a flashlight, when that was verboten...

annie said...

rasslin huh? I shoulda known. But at least one of you has good taste! My redneck family comes from high class genes--we don't do rasslin, we sing gospel songs instead!

Jackson said...

Now Now enough of the Wrestling bassing. It is no worse than some of the mind numbing dribble some of you watch...Soap Operas, Lifetime movies, BBC (except for Trailer Park Boys). Shame on all of you. Just think of it as a soap opera for boys.

Now Rach..I can not help it that you have ultra sensitive hearing. My volume is not too loud, it is just right.

Yes Terry Funk, Ted Dibeosi (The Million Dollar Man) and Dusty Rhoades are all from the Amarillo area.

dust bunny said...

Love to read.
Hate to wait.
Grew up with Saturday night wrestling (words cannot convey my disgust).
And that organist has three arms and two heads.
You & Jackson are too funny. :)

Dijea said...

Jackson, it is worse than all those things you listed, and not every woman watches soaps or lifetime & what's wrong with the BBC?

And FYI, every wife will say that her husband has the TV too loud. Personally, I think its because they can say they can't hear the wives calling for them to do whatever - including turning the TV down.

Crimson Rambler said...

"And Trailer Park Boys," she said (ahem, pausing to adjust maple-leaf earrings), "is not and never was a BBC production, it's a CANAJUN show, eh? (bunch a HOSERS)"

Mile High Pixie said...

The ultimate in redneck yuppieism: I read, researched, and wrote my thesis on designing environments for the homeless mentally ill while watch rasslin' for 1998-2000. Something about a few hot young men in spandex (and the slapstick that is Ric Flair) while writing about iatrogenic environments in the institutional environs of Bedlam just made my Monday nights bearable.

I know, I'm a disappointment to everyone who knows me. [hangs head]

Pam said...

I found your blog through Janie over at Sounding your stuff.
I totally agree about rasslin', although I have, never had to deal with it for very long-my kids watched it some when they were younger, but it makes me crazy. I grew up in Oklahoma City and we had Saturday Night Wrestling on TV, and the tag line every night was "Watch out for flying chairs!" Great stuff, huh? But I think my biggest problem with rasslin is that the sport of wrestling is pretty amazing, if you forget that young men are starving themselves to make the lighter weight classes. Anyway my high school wrestling team were Oklahoma State Champions in our division the three years I was in high school. Makes me such a rassling snob.
As to reading in weird places, I have read in every conveyance possible, I am so lucky I can read in cars, boats, airplanes, etc. I used to keep a "car novel" when my boys played which require very little brain power to pick up my place!
I have several suggestions for authors: Earlene Fowler, Dorothy L. Sayers (English mysteries-she was a contemporary of Agatha Christie),Anne Perry-particularly her Thomas Pitt novels,Donald Westlake, and Dick Francis. Hope you enjoy some of these.