Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Merciless Bloodthirsty Bullets of Monday

* I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner in my office today. That’s bad.

* Riding my bike home at 9:00 p.m. is infinitely more pleasant than riding it home at 5:00 p.m. That’s good.

* We are going to my family reunion on Saturday. I haven’t been since the year before I got married. I am wretchedly unfamiliar with my own family. One of the last times I went, one of my fellow attendees tried to hit on me. Technically I think it would have been legal for us to date. But I wish I had a t-shirt that says “I Don’t Date Within My Double Helix”. Or something like that.

* Tuesday is the last day I have to go to work this week. Katie is spending the week with her grandmother in Big Flat City. Jackson and I are hoping to go camping. I can hardly wait!

* The gods are conspiring against us and throwing all manner of Herculean obstacles in the path of this camping trip. Can I go on record now as saying that if we do get to go, I fully expect to be struck by lightening then swept away in a roiling flash flood or a raging tornado? Anyone know if there is a patron saint of camping? Is there a Saint Coleman?

* I finally gave in and went back to the doctor to have my cholesterol tested. They wouldn’t give me any refills unless I agreed to go do some lab work. The nurse called me with the results last week. Cholesterol: 177 I was way impressed about that. Then she got all snippy and said my triglycerides were out of whack at 168. (Gotta eat fewer starches, dammit.) THEN she said my thyroid is way, way high, which totally explains why I have lost weight, had a ton of energy and lowered my cholesterol. Once again, the heartless bastards intend to cure me of this problem and they cut my thyroid medicine in half. Crimony! What should have been a lovely, congratulatory phone call turned out to be a complete downer. I really wanna kick that lady’s butt.


* ‘Course that could be the thyroid talking.

12 comments:

Linda said...

If you find that patron saint of camping, please, please let me know. I have planned two trips this year that have both been dropped because of this freakin' rain!

Jeff said...

Dang! You need a second opinion ..... IMHO, you're doing just fine!

Presbyterian Gal said...

Judging by your last camping trip, this next one should be splendid!! The curses always work on every other time.

And I take thyroid meds too. I suspect your levels are spiked because of the increased exercise riding your bike. Since exercise kicks up the blood flow to the thyroid, making that little hamster run faster in its wheel. Though I do believe that lady's butt has invited a kicking the way she talked to you...

I have many twisted tips for your family reunion, if you're interested.

SpookyRach said...

Oh, yeah. I'm interested.

Rev Kim said...

You got hit on at your family reunion??? That's too hilarious, or weird, or just plain sick for words. Can't wait to hear stories from this one.

The first place where Dave and I were going to camp - we had reservations that we had to change when we postponed the vacation - there was a FOREST FIRE in the area that caused the area to be evacuated. That sent us back again on the two hour or so trip that we had just taken through the park. I think it ended up burning 10,000 acres or something. Yes, we thought about you and the experience you shared a few weeks ago. 'Course, we still ended up camping, just at another campground. Where a mother bear and her two cubs had been sighted four days before. But maybe you could pray to St. Coleman for fire or something. Not that we would want nature or property to be destroyed or anything.

Presbyterian Gal said...

Dress really nicely, but in clothes that are one size too small. With odd stains. Then black out two of your teeth. Shake everyone's hand up and down hard and say "I'm so happy to be in YOUR family".

Before the event, have your family picture taken and borrow someone elses kid who is a different race and then show it off proudly as your 'love child' who lives with his father. Then add: "I wasn't able to get the twins in the picture. Besides, they live in Guadalupe now." Jackson just stands next to you beaming as you say all this.

Borrow one of those house arrest anklets and wear it, broken. Say "I just couldn't miss this."

Just for starters

Cynthia said...

I get absolutely vicious when someone messes with my thyroid medicine. I need to have a TSH that is a little farthere from normal than most. If I stay in normal levels, I start getting symptoms. I constantly battle about this with the new doctor every couple of years in the Military medical system. I haven't lost weight, my other lab work is splendid and everything, but if you just look at numbers, I am taking too much thyroid. I sympathize.

little david said...

Um, gosh, I hope that camping trip goes well. If you take Presby-gal's advice for the reunion, be sure to take pictures for all us blog buddies.

Anonymous said...

you are a hoot!

Patti said...

Oh my goodness. Good luck camping, you've always said how much you love the rain.

Trace said...

I know the feelings...I am a short, fat, 46 year-old, one quarter italian woman; and, I had the doctor tell me a while back, "No more noodles".
HA! Was that doctor crazy, or what?!

P M Prescott said...

Somehow when I changed the template on my blog it deleted your link. Hope you have a good camping trip. Are you still planning on coming out this way? unfortunately I'm in East Texas until further notice.