Monday, May 08, 2017

100 Things Divorce Has Taught Me: The Last Bit

62. - 100.  It really isn't that bad.

I was visiting a friend a few months back and we were discussing this list.  She remarked that I ought to just write "It's not all that bad." and be done with it.  She was right.  

Earlier this week I had dinner with someone who is also going through a divorce they didn't want.  Without being preachy, I tried to encourage them that being on your own is not a bad thing.  Sometimes it's a frustrating thing.  Sometimes you'd like to set fire to someone or run them down with your car. And of course sometimes it can be a lonely thing. That's just life. That doesn't mean you aren't capable of a fantastically meaningful existence on your own. You are stronger for the experience and you can do whatever you need to do.  Or you can hire someone to do it for you.  Or you can discover that it doesn't matter much whether it gets done or not.

You have to work at being single, just like you do being married.  At first I was perplexed about why being single in my mid-forties seems more difficult than it did in my mid-twenties, age differences not withstanding.  That feeling was somewhat undermining my independence.  Not a lot, but enough that I noticed.  Then one day I realized the obvious difference.

In my mid-twenties, most of my friends were also single and childless.  Now I am pretty much the only single, childless person I know. My friends are either in a relationship, parents, or grandparents or some combination of the three.

We don't attend the same types of events.  We don't have the same sort of schedules or the same demands on our time.  Our interests are often very divergent.  

And that's ok.

This is where you have to work at being single.  I've tried to step out of my comfort zone.  They have only been little steps, but at least my feet are moving.  I've made a few new friends.  I'm having some new adventures.  I talk to people at stoplights.

It really isn't that bad.

So, that being said, I'm on to newer and better ventures, including, but not limited to:

Spooky's Fairly Useless Advice for Single People

Today's bit of wisdom:  When you need to buy groceries, ride your motorcycle to the supermarket.  This will prevent you from buying bulky junk food items.  For the most part. (Maybe those three bottles of Lime and Cucumber Gatorade were not a great idea.  You could've used that space for cantaloupes or something.)

Full size frozen pizzas are not going to fit in your saddlebags, so maybe this is your chance to branch out, culinarily speaking.  Or maybe you just buy a smaller size pizza.  Either way. 

Buy as many of the individual cans of Fancy Feast cat food as you want.  Those little suckers will fit into all sort of nooks and saddlebag crannies.  Just be aware that a single woman purchasing more cat food cans that ordinary comestibles conveys a certain sort for which you may not want to become known.  (Two cats is pretty normal right?  That's not too many.  And one cat just wouldn't be enough.  I mean, I used to have three but one died and now there are just two and that's not weird.)

Also, don't bungee cord the English muffins to the luggage rack.  Just saying.  It's better than securing the loaf of bread with a big rubber band, but not a lot better. 


Cyn Huddleston said...

I'm amused that your single person advice was about shopping for food. That's hilarious. I like you just as well or better single. You rock hard.

spookyrach said...

Hahaha! I'm on a constant, and fairly unsatisfying, quest for food.

Thanks for the props. I'm pretty dang happy, all things considered.

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

LOL you and your food. You have me. I think that we are even closer even though you do not live here.

You have branched out A LOT!! In doing that, you drag me into branching out. LOL I like that.

It is different. Not bad but different.

I am glad you are my friend Rach. Your list have made me cry at times. I didn't realize that I had learned those lessons a long time ago and, when you mention them, I remember them.

We have come a long way.

I hate you always. ;)

spookyrach said...

Hell, at this rate we are in danger of becoming grown-ups or something.

Well, maybe not grown-ups, exactly.

They're not bad lessons and Lord knows I've had it easier than most. I'm pretty thankful for that. Seriously, how did you survive single parenting?!?!

annie said...

I'm glad you're surviving. :)

spookyrach said...

Thanks! Maybe even thriving. ;)

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

How did I survive single parenting? I didn't KNOW any better and just did it. Thank gawd they made it to adulthood.

spookyrach said...

Resilient little buggers. :D

Martha Spong said...

Two cats is not even close to weird. My policy is you're good up to 4. Beyond that is questionable. (Did I mention when I was single I had 4 cats?)

spookyrach said...

Hahaha! I like your logic, Martha. I'm going with that.