Thursday, July 22, 2010

Stream of Unconsciousness

I am only writing this as an attempt to remain upright at my desk.

You cannot imagine how badly I want to just lay my head down, just for a minute, and close my hot, itchy eyes. I'd do it, too, but I know the people I work with would either come along and poke me with sharp sticks to wake me up, or they'd do something really bad. Like painting my toenails pink. Or something.

So, I'm carrying on this little conversation with you, in order to maintain consciousness. I'd just give up and go home, but I did that yesterday. I went to the doctor today and I must, must, must be here to teach a class tonight. Dangit.

Speaking of little conversations, does anyone remember Richie Rich's girlfriend's name? You remember her - the little red-headed girl that was poor. As opposed to a poor little red-headed girl. We were debating this at lunch. None of us wanted to know badly enough to actually google it, but still, it would be nice to have the question settled.

Settling questions is a good thing. Sometimes. Sometimes it's better not to know. And better not to ask. I'm pretty much in favor of making apologies rather than asking permission. Its not always the best policy, but I think there are fewer apologies than there are permission denials.

That was a painfully constructed sentence. Especially what with this being my first language and all.

I'm listening to Ester on the phone next door. English is her first language, too. So is Spanish. She's being all bright and chipper and trying to convince this guy that the thing he wants to do most in the world is to go to the jail and turn himself in. Sounds like she's just about got him convinced. Stupid guy.

Not me, man. If Johnny Law wants me, he's gonna have to freakin' come and get me! I ain't makin' it easy for him. ~brandishes imaginary sword~

Well, that's not really true. I'd go quietly.

And they'd never make me talk. ~evil eye~

'Cause I know stuff.

Yep.

Have I mentioned that I'm on drugs? Lots of drugs. And I got a shot. Not the kind that comes in a glass, but the kind that makes you glad you weren't wearing raggy underwear.

I need, need, need to be writing a report right now. But I sooooo don't want to. One of my most troublesome cases is going to court and I have to do a report telling the judge what I think outta happen with the guy.

He oughtta go to prison. End of story.

Accept, of course, that there is always more to the story. This reminds me of Ken, may he rest in peace. ~crosses self and wonders if it counts since I'm a protestant~ He used to end his reports with "The defendant would benefit from [insert service/program]and the Institutional Division is adequately staffed for that purpose."

We don't call it prison anymore. Its the Institutional Division of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice. As if that somehow seems better. And I haven't been a probation officer for the last 15 or so years. Rather, I am a Community Supervision Officer for the Community Supervision and Corrections Department which is a part of the Community Justice Assistance Division of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice.

I guess the thinking is that we are less accountable if the average citizen can't figure out what the hell it is we do, just by looking at our business cards.

We keep our true identity secret, it seems. But not for any sort of superheroish reasons or the greater good, or anything.

Tonight, in the class I'm teaching, we're gonna talk about secrets. Dysfunctional families are champion secret keepers. I am pretty darn good at that myself. Being an accomplished illusionist was a matter of self-preservation when I was growing up in a glass house.

It's also a hard habit to break.

And, truthfully, I don't even really try to break that habit. I still sorta like it.

17 comments:

DogBlogger said...

I kinda wish you'd come teach that class to my family. I think we're reaching a denouement on Saturday, and I'm glad I'm still out of state.

spookyrach said...

It really is good, db. All about the roles that children take on to survive the dysfunction.

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

you know my plan if they come to get me...

fall into a heap on the floor with my arms around the officers shins wailing, crying and snotting.

I will NOT do well in jail and fear I will tell all that I know.

ElastiGirl said...

this post just really made my day and i'm not even sure why!

spookyrach said...

EG - your comment did the same for me! hahaha!

Mindy - that's why I'm not tellin' you all I know. You'd spill yer guts in a heartbeat!

Jules said...

Dude.

Just...dude.

spookyrach said...

Yeah. This is your brain on drugs.

annieoddflower said...

Wow.

Sue said...

Needed this. Thanks.

spookyrach said...

You're welcome. :)

Dijea said...

I think all the things that would cause me to go to the Institution Division are now past the Statute of Limitations.

I think.....

DepthPerceptions said...

Thanks for contributing to the motivation for me to break down the barrier between me and the organization of my thoughts into my own post. The blockage was causing a great deal of mental distress and unprocessed quantities of dark silliness.

Cynthia Huddleston said...

I like it when you are all druggy and everything just slips out. I admire a good stream of conciousness writing style.

My word verification is "spockox." I didn't know he had one.

spookyrach said...

Depth - sometimes a little organization is a bad thing.

Cyn - I think I broke my spockox once. They gave me one of those donut pillows...

Cindy said...

Sorry just can't think of anything right now. You got better drugs than me!

Crimson Rambler said...

oh Rach, that was your "coccyx," not your "spockox." Sheesh.
Now I have the giggles.
What popped into my head when you talked about secrets was Mary Karr -- do you know her stuff?
Anyway...
Thank you muchly!
And my word verification is "hypshis" -- I think that's what was in your shot, hon.

spookyrach said...

Ooooooh I think you're right about the shot, Rambler. I don't know Karr. Should I?