Tuesday, July 20, 2010

spooky’s self-righteousness checklist:

I have not murdered anyone recently. 


I also have not beaten anyone with a baseball bat, a tire iron or the grip end of a pistol.


Whole weeks have gone by without me tripping, choking or otherwise assaulting anyone I know. In fact, for the most part, I have totally refrained from all forms of violent behavior towards acquaintances and strangers alike.


I have not made any threatening phone calls.


I have, however, been threatening towards some people who called me. But that doesn't really count.


I have not run for office. Neither have I engaged in loan sharking, welfare fraud or prostitution.


I did run a red light. Mostly unintentionally.


I have not stalked anyone, not in person or on the internet. I have not smoked crack. Or meth. And I have not opened a new box of cereal without finishing the old box first.


I have not shoplifted or drawn flowers on my husband's tattoo while he slept. I haven't said the f-word all week. I have not set any fires except in places specifically dedicated for such purposes.


I did, however, designate the middle of my back yard as a place for burning things.


I have not, nor will I ever, drape any landmarks in miles of orange fabric.


I have not sung karaoke.

 

Never Explain JPEG

10 comments:

mid-life rookie said...

I have ...threatened people who have called me.... Words spoken to insistent phone salesman today - "Like parents tell their kids, if you need an answer right now, the answer is no. If you can send me some information I can look at, the answer is maybe."

SpookyRach said...

Yep. I'm with ya on that one, rookie!

Dijea said...

I haven't done any of that stuff either - not even running the red light.

does that mean I'm winning?

annieoddflower said...

No, Dijea, it means you and I are neck and neck. A tie-breaker will have to be devised! :)

Love the photo, BTW, Rach!

Jules said...

Well, well Spooky. You're a regular Jeebus H. Christ, aren't ya?

:D

SpookyRach said...

Hell yeah, Jules! :D

Pondering the tie breaker...

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

Jules made me snort.

I think you may have pillaged but I forget it that was last week or the week before that.

I do believe you threw a pen at me last week. You did not put THAT on your list now did ya?!?!?!

LOVE the pic!!

ElastiGirl said...

Ok - who are you and what have you done with the real Spooky Rach??

Miss Kitty said...

Big hugs to you, Spooky. (((HUGS))) Hang in there!

spookyrach said...

I'm hangin'! And mostly not from a noose.

Great to hear from you, Miss Kitty!