Thursday, July 09, 2009

Friday Cemetery Blogging Would Be A Deceptive Title

Wow. A big blank computer screen is possibly even more daunting than a blank sheet of paper. But, I’ve been keeping up with my 30 minutes worth of writing each night so far this week, so here goes.

I’m staying with my mom for two weeks. She lives in the suburbs, about 30 miles from Fake Cow. My brother will take over as temporary care-taker when I am done and stay with mom for another two weeks while Dad spends four weeks at SMU for his job. Can I take a moment to grouse to those of you who work in Methodism? Online education, people! C’mon! Four weeks worth of onsite training for the Course of Study? Dang. My husband is working on a PhD and he doesn’t have to do that much in-person class work. Four weeks a year? Four?

~shoves soap box back underneath the couch~

Anyway, I left my external drive that has my cemetery pictures on it at home, so no cemetery blogging this week. Hopefully I’ll get going with that again next week. I’m having to dig through old material to see what I can find because my camera is in the hospital. It’s been there since May 15th. It will be there for at least another month.

All to fix a broken flash.

Can I get a kleenex?

We’ve taken a vote at work and decided this has been a weird damn week. Every one of us has pitched at least one screaming fit at someone and there has been a profusion of mothers that we’ve had to deal with this week. The mother thing is mostly Mindy’s fault. She’s got two or three of ‘em calling her and me and anyone else they can get in touch with and complaining that someone has mistreated their poor, darling baby boys. I usually just remind them that it’s called adult probation for a reason. They never really get it and our conversations usually end with me telling them we have no obligation to give them any information and that we will not accept any further communication from them. Then they say, “Yes, but –.” That’s when I hang up the phone.

I hate mothers.

Not mine. And probably not yours. But mothers in general.

I would retire early and open up a photography studio, if it weren’t for mothers. Weddings are bread and butter for most photographers. I have no problem taking wedding photos, but I refuse to be in the same building with the mothers. I think my Mutha-Free Wedding Photo Policy is probably going to be a real hindrance to me earning a living at my chosen second profession. So, I’ll stick with what I’m doing retire somewhere around the ripe old age of forty-eight and maybe then I can afford to open up Skewed View Photography – 100% Mutha-Free.

(The first time I ever took wedding photos, I was still in college. It was a home wedding, on the back deck of the double-wide. I trailed along behind the minister (yes, there was one) most of the time, shooting whatever they told me to. The minister finally got the mother of the bride to sit still long enough to help him fill out the marriage license. It took a while because she was having difficulty recalling her daughter’s current last name.)


Dijea said...

I can't take posed pictures of people. I don't understand how anyone can do that - things, nature, other stuff, but not people.

how about 100% people free.

Pyzahn said...

Is the town really named Fake Cow? Is there a story there?

I can understand the inclination toward Mutha Free wedding photos. It would make a snappy tag line.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...


Helicopter moms of kids at college is one thing. Helicopter probation moms is yet another.

Are you freakin' kidding me?

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Ps...maybe if they'd helicoptered a bit more in their kid's youth they wouldn't be on probation! Just sayin'.

Tauratinzwe said...

Actually, mother free weddings might just turn around the high rate of divorce. It might also get you MORE photo gigs. Imagine the reduction of stress at the weddings.

sko3 said...

We could go into business together! I'd love to perform 100% mother free weddings! Anybody do hair or flowers? cakes?

Seriously, could we add in a clause about crazy overly-dramatic aunts, too?

SpookyRach said...

Dijea: I have the same problem. I always felt sorry for whoever had to go through my personal effects after I'm dead. Box after box of pictures of stuff. No people. heh.

Pyzahn: Well, not really. It's what I call my otherwise aptly named hometown. We have a profusion of fiberglass cows decorating the city.

Janie: Not freakin' kidding. Not. hahaha

Taur' & sko3: This is a good plan. Taur' can you do the preachin'? I've got a friend who does flowers. What else do we need? (And I'm all for 86ing the aunts, too!)

ElastiGirl said...

I believe that there can be a direct correlation between those mothers and having children on adult probation....and I am always surprised by how many ministers do not like weddings for the same reasons you give here!!

Presbyterian Gal said...

How about a sideline practice of photographing dead mothers?

SpookyRach said...

ElastiGirl: I never thought about the ministers, but yeah, I can see why y'all would hate 'em too.

PG: I like the way you think!

Hot Cup Lutheran said...

i think my profound ministerial advice to mothers at weddings is usually this format... "oh hi alice/jane/susie you look wonderful today, now remember deep breaths, deep breaths... no words, they just get in the way... deep breaths and everyting will be just fine."

DogBlogger said...

So, if your dad wants to get treated to a meal while he's in town, tell him to look me up... next week would probably work.