There are some things I’d like to learn. I’ve kept a list of these semi-essential skills for years. So far, it consists of:
Eating with chopsticks – Learned!
Karate – Learned! (With somewhat mixed results.)
Riding a Unicycle -
And this week I’ve added something new: Reading Tea Leaves. I mean, they’re there – why not do something with them? And they do sorta look like they would know stuff.
So. I’ve known Ester for SIXTEEN years. Sixteen years! Longer than I’ve known Jackson, the kid or most of you. I thought I knew her well. But it turns out she’s been keeping a dark secret from me.
Well, not necessarily a dark secret, but a secret nonetheless.
Ester owns a unicycle!
Can you believe it? And can you believe that she never, ever mentioned this in casual conversation? We have some odd conversations, y’all – you’d think it would have come up. For example, at lunch today we had a communal recital of the lyric poem “Copacabana” by B. Manilow. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary and no one batted an eyelash. You’d think that in this sort of environment there would have been a point in the last sixteen years that the phrase “I have a unicycle” would have been the perfect segue. But no. Not until now.
She’s letting me borrow it!
I told Jackson and Katie I was going to learn the unicycle. There reply, in unison, was “"NOOOOO!” Katie said “You’re so going to end up in the hospital, Rachel!” Jackson said he would be glad to take me to the emergency room because he wants to the see the look on the doctor’s face when I tell him that all my broken bones are due to “a unicycle accident”.
I looked it up on the internet – googled “how to ride a unicycle”. All the sites seem to encourage “recruiting a couple of friends” for help. I told Ester and Mindy they were elected. They have agreed, but say their involvement will be limited to dialing 9-1-1. They fully expect me to be unable to operate a cell phone following my first riding attempt.
Ester’s son brought the unicycle to work today. HE didn’t make any wise cracks. I’ve always liked that kid.
Rose and M2 just rolled their eyes and refused to have any part of the coming apocalypse.
The boss kept walking down the hallway and laughing uncontrollably whenever he passed the unicycle.
Bebo stopped by the office to see Mindy while I was in court. Rumor has it that he pointed at his mother and said “YOU are gonna get hurt,” then pointed at Ester “and YOU are gonna get hurt and SOMEONE is going to be mad!”
I have no idea what he’s talking about.
I’ve decided to that the office hallway is the best spot for my initial unicycling lesson - which will commence tomorrow at 5:00 p.m. (Mindy claims she’s bringing her camera.)