Monday, June 08, 2009

NOT a Bucket List:

There are some things I’d like to learn.  I’ve kept a list of these semi-essential skills for years.  So far, it consists of:

Eating with chopsticks – Learned!

Karate – Learned!  (With somewhat mixed results.)

Fencing -

Riding a Unicycle  -

And this week I’ve added something new:  Reading Tea Leaves.  I mean, they’re there – why not do something with them?  And they do sorta look like they would know stuff.  

So.  I’ve known Ester for SIXTEEN years.  Sixteen years! Longer than I’ve known Jackson, the kid or most of you.  I thought I knew her well.  But it turns out she’s been keeping a dark secret from me. 

Well, not necessarily a dark secret, but a secret nonetheless. 

Ester owns a unicycle!

Can you believe it?  And can you believe that she never, ever mentioned this in casual conversation?  We have some odd conversations, y’all – you’d think it would have come up.  For example, at lunch today we had a communal recital of the lyric poem “Copacabana” by B. Manilow.  It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary and no one batted an eyelash.  You’d think that in this sort of environment there would have been a point in the last sixteen years that the phrase “I have a unicycle” would have been the perfect segue.  But no.  Not until now. 

She’s letting me borrow it!

I told Jackson and Katie I was going to learn the unicycle.  There reply, in unison, was “"NOOOOO!”  Katie said “You’re so going to end up in the hospital, Rachel!”  Jackson said he would be glad to take me to the emergency room because he wants to the see the look on the doctor’s face when I tell him that all my broken bones are due to “a unicycle accident”. 


I looked it up on the internet – googled “how to ride a unicycle”.  All the sites seem to encourage “recruiting a couple of friends” for help.  I told Ester and Mindy they were elected.  They have agreed, but say their involvement will be limited to dialing 9-1-1.  They fully expect me to be unable to operate a cell phone following my first riding attempt. 

Doubting Thomases!

Ester’s son brought the unicycle to work today.  HE didn’t make any wise cracks.  I’ve always liked that kid.

Rose and M2 just rolled their eyes and refused to have any part of the coming apocalypse.

The boss kept walking down the hallway and laughing uncontrollably whenever he passed the unicycle. 

Bebo stopped by the office to see Mindy while I was in court.  Rumor has it that he pointed at his mother and said “YOU are gonna get hurt,” then pointed at Ester “and YOU are gonna get hurt and SOMEONE is going to be mad!” 

I have no idea what he’s talking about. 

I’ve decided to that the office hallway is the best spot for my initial unicycling lesson - which will commence tomorrow at 5:00 p.m.  (Mindy claims she’s bringing her camera.)


sko3 said...

I hope she does! I'd totally love to see pictures. What are all these doubting Thomases! Seriously, you have insurance, what's the biggy.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

I was thinking the hallway would be the perfect place to learn!

Great minds...keep us informed!

Pam said...

A hallway...brilliant! Those lovely walls to help you keep upright! I only hope Mindy's camera has video capabilities. Carpe diem!

Presbyterian Gal said...

Has anyone offered to bring you bubble wrap underwear? When you fall you will need that.

Just make sure you do not break your writing, drawing and painting harm or hand. That would just be wrong. And blogging with a pencil wears your teeth down after a bit.

Char said...

I can't wait to see that! You gotta have the biggest, brassiest pair on a woman!

soul and culture said...

Anxiously awaiting a report of today's lesson.

Anonymous said...

waiting anxiously... and now humming the "barely-man-enough" song...

Cindy said...

Let the entertainment begin!

Hot Cup Lutheran said...

you go girl! i think you'd do Lola proud if you ride while wearing a bright yellow feather boa...

dust bunny said...

I absolutely believe you can pull this off.(But just in case, I have a pair of crutches you can borrow.)

Sue said...

Definitely post pictures. Before and after the ambulance ride.

tracy said...

I just love your writing...hope the riding went as well. Well, did it???